2014 Theme Word

January 5, 2014

THIS IS A NEW YEAR.  Hello 2014!   A lot of time and talk has been put into New Years Resolutions and Goals with the girls.  It is quite common lately for people to think  of one word to make for their theme word of the year.  I have thought a lot about this.  What would my word be?  Should it pertain to me or to my whole family?  I think it should be me.  OUr family has the theme of 2 HANDS for our theme this school year.  2 Hands  to focus on the Lord.  You can't be part of the world and part of the Lords work.  You have to choose, and our family has chosen to have 2 hands on the Lords side.    So what about my word?   My word is

SEEK

this year i choose to seek the good.

seek joy.

seek knowledge.

seek love.

seek happiness.

seek a grateful heart.

seek the good in others.

seek the good in myself.

seek quality not quantity.

seek good in all things.

SEEK

Today I find myself . . .

January 18, 2014

Today is a Sunday, it was Stake conference for church so we found ourselves with a little more of a relaxed schedule at our house. ( our callings weren't keeping the day quite so busy)  There was play outside, updating pictures onto the computer, and then the all time favorite of watching home movies from when the girls were little.   Oh how I miss when they were all little!   Now they seem so big.   They hear what we say but don't have as much blind trust in us.   They were in a bubble where everything we said was right  . . . it had to be because were were the mom and dad.   Now they are bigger.  Now they question us.   Now they know a lot - sometimes more in certain areas.   Now they are a lot of fun, but it is different.  Today as we watched those home movies and we laughed and giggled, I found myself loving my kids and wanting to build the relationships we have.



Today I found myself wishing, wanting, another baby at our house.  This seems silly, our house is full. Our house is busy.   I am tired as can be and wonder if I am giving enough to the kids I have. Yet today when I saw videos of one of the girls as a new baby in the hospital, or saw baby Reagan scooting around in a video, I wanted that back.  There is nothing quite like  new baby.  It is scrumptious, special.  A time like no other.  Tender.   A time where the veil is thin and you can feel a closeness to Heavenly Father like no other.  Something that is hard to describe.  Like a type of reverence sets in for a short time when that new baby arrives.   Today I found myself longing for a baby.


Today I am beginning to worry.  The week before Christmas Heston had a very unexpected phone call/meeting where he was caught of guard and told he was being let go.  He was  given  a severance package that will last us for a while, but it still is unsettling.  Alarming.   He is thinking about a career change in a different direction.  I have no doubt in him.  Hes has always done well and we have always been taken care of, but I worry about him.   The pressure he must feel.   The weight he carries is something that I do not envy,  I want him to know he is loved.  I tell him, but wonder if it is enough.   How glad I am to be able to stay at home and have the job of raising these girls, without worrying 100% about the finance aspect of running this family.  How hard is must be to be in his shoes.  I must do better at boosting his confidence and reminding him that her is adored, trusted and loved.  I find myself wondering how I can better do this.

I am the new Primary President in our ward.  I miss Young Womens - it's where I've been for 10+ years.  It's what I know.  I have two of my own girls in there with a third on the way.  The Primary seems foreign to me.  I don't know it.  I'm unsettled.  I'm wanting to learn and grow.  I am wanting to run it the way way the Lord wants me to.  I find myself having a hard time stopping and asking the Lord for direction in this and seeing that it is not the Lee Chipman show - where answers are obvious, and will be displayed in an aesthetically pleasing way.

Today Ashtyn and I made the triple layer Aces Chocolate cake for a fun Sunday dessert.   She likes to bake and loves when it is anything chocolate.  Oh how I miss my mom - that recipe was one of her favorites.  I find myself wondering how many conversations I would like to still have had about raising these girls, about being a mom, about so much. I miss my mom.

These are just a few things . . . that I find myself wondering.   I'm sure there is much more.

Braver, Stronger, Smarter

You are BRAVER than you BELIEVE,
STRONGER than you seem,  and SMARTER than
you think.



This is the quote that I put up on the huge chalk board in our living room to start the year of around here.  Huge chalkboard as in almost 7 1/2 feet tall.   I want my girls to see this, to read it, to think about it and to believe it.   I think they are BRAVE, STRONG and SMART.   I just need to figure out a way to get them to believe it.   That is my job, that's what I'm working on, that's what I'm trying to figure out.   HMMMMMM

Efy -What?

efy - especially for youth - Summer 2013

Today I had the pleasure of taking Talbot and 3 others 

to efy up at UMass Amherst.

I told them fun stories and memories of my days at efy in Provo.

I felt old.   I saw the Suburban LOADED with numerous bags. I rolled my eyes and smiled.  I help lug the numerous bags up flights of stairs into the dorm rooms.  I giggled.  I gave last minute pieces of advice.  I walked away and then walked back with a few more last words. I think i remember my mom doing the very same thing.  Then I walked back to the car and cried. 

 Boy did I cry!  Did my mom do the same? 

 How on earth can we not have Talbot with us for a week?  When did it happen that she turned the magical age of 14 to be able to go to efy?

I sat in the car for a minute and said a prayer - that she would be safe, that she would have a great time being surrounded by good kids with the same values, that she would feel the spirit and gain a testimony of her very own.  I prayed that this event would be something that would help make the beginning of high school and all its pressures not such a hard thing.

It's after 10 at night.  Heston is in New York working and has sent many texts asking if there has been any word from T.

Nothing.

I'm in bed thinking about things and got the text we had been waiting for.  "EFY was soooooooo awesome"

Message passed on to the dad. This is what was said.

The house feels different.   The job of oldest had been passed on to Ash for a few days.   I think she will do it well.  I think its good for her to have a turn at it for a few days.  

I think MacKinlay thinks its pretty great to sleep in Talbots bed and spend some extra time with Ashtyn!

I think that I would like a little bubble placed around our family.  These girls.  This time in their lives.  At these ages. I would take time standing still.

This growing up business is hard on the mom!